Talk With Children About Their Emotions and Responses to Events

How adults express their emotions will influence the reactions of children and youth. Parents and teachers can help youngsters manage their feelings by both modelling healthy coping strategies themselves and closely monitoring their own emotional state and that of the children in their care.

Common Reactions to Trauma

It is not uncommon to feel any or all of the following:

• Shock/disbelief
• Fear
• Guilt
• Grief
• Confusion
• Shame/loss
• Anger

These reactions are often closely linked and can be difficult to separate, (e.g., where does grief end and outrage begin). Children, in particular, may have trouble understanding and talking about their feelings. Emotional reactions take place over a period of time and may not happen in any particular order. They can affect our behaviour, our ability to function, and our overall sense of well-being. The intensity and ways we express our reactions will vary depending on our personal experience, general mental health, other stress factors in our lives, our coping style, our ability to self-monitor our emotional state, and our support network. This is true for both adults and children. Children of all ages may need guidance and support from the significant adults in their lives (parents, teachers, coaches, etc.) as they work through their thoughts and emotional reactions to the event.

Anger: A Natural Reaction

For many people, adults and children alike, anger will be a natural extension of other emotions because it is a defensive mechanism that makes us feel more in control. Adults must ensure that children do not "take out" their anger in inappropriate ways, such as lashing out at classmates or staff. The key is to direct anger and other strong emotions in socially and psychologically healthy ways.

Recognizing Anger

The first step in helping children manage their anger is getting your anger under control. Be aware of cues in your own behaviour. If necessary, ask someone you trust (a family member, friend or colleague) to give you feedback on your anger reaction. Observe the behaviour of other adults around you and your child(ren) and be supportive if they show signs of increased anger.

Signs of Anger in Adults

• Short temper/impatience
• Sleep problems
• Eating problems
• Restlessness and agitation
• Hitting and slamming objects, pets, or people
• Desire to inflict harm
• Verbal outbursts toward family, friends, or fellow workers
• A sense of losing control over your life
• Poor concentration or attention span
• Obsessing about the event
• Physical health affected; increase in blood pressure, dizzy, headaches, heart rate elevated, clenched jaw, knot in the stomach, and tight muscles, etc
• You feel life should be fair, but it is not; and things are not how you want them to be

Signs of Anger in Children

• Behavioural outbursts, many times without an obvious cause
• Sleep problems
• Fights at school or home
• Physical attacks on others or animals, even among pre-schooler's
• Disobedience from otherwise well behaved child(ren)
• Child state he/she is really sad and does not know why
• Complaints of stomach aches and headaches; or vague aches and pains
• Other reactions similar to those of adults